Beyond Transactions: Building Donor Relationships Rooted in Equity, Trust, and Belonging
I still remember a conversation with a group of donors that made me pause — not because of the size of a gift, but because of the silence that followed the question.
It was just before the start of one of our fundraising events. I was standing at the check-in desk, welcoming early arrivals, handing out name tags, and exchanging quick greetings as the room slowly filled. It was that in-between moment before an event officially begins — before the program, before the appeal — when conversations are informal and unguarded.
A few donors arrived early and lingered nearby. As we talked, the conversation naturally turned to our work with immigrant and refugee families — what programs were growing, what challenges families were facing, and what the moment demanded of us as an organization.
Then one donor paused and asked, “So… what do they really need?”
It was a sincere question. And yet, standing there with a stack of name tags in my hands, I felt the weight of it.
Not because the question was inappropriate, but because it revealed something familiar. How easily fundraising conversations, even well-intentioned ones, can slip into a framework of distance: us as helpers, them as recipients. In that brief exchange — before the speeches, before the stories, before generosity was formally invited — I realized how often fundraising begins with transactions instead of relationships.
That moment stayed with me long after the event ended.
When Fundraising Is Only a Transaction
Like many fundraisers, I was trained to focus on outcomes: dollars raised, goals met, donors retained. These metrics matter. Nonprofits need resources to survive and grow. But when fundraising becomes only transactional, something essential is lost.
Transactional fundraising often follows a familiar script:
- Here is the problem.
- Here is the cost.
- Here is how you can help.
It is efficient. It is measurable. And it can unintentionally reinforce distance — between donors and communities, between intention and impact.
For organizations serving communities historically excluded from power, wealth, and decision-making, this approach can mirror the same inequities we are trying to address. Stories become simplified. Communities are framed as needs instead of partners. Fundraising becomes extractive rather than relational.
That realization forced me to slow down and reflect — not just on how we raise money, but on how we build relationships.
A Personal Reckoning With Power and Voice
As an immigrant woman working in philanthropy, I carry multiple identities into fundraising spaces. I am both a fundraiser and someone deeply connected to the communities our work serves. That duality has shaped how I see donor relationships.
There was a time when I softened stories to make them more “palatable.” I edited out complexity. I avoided naming systems — immigration policy, racism, economic exclusion — because I worried donors might disengage.
But over time, something began to feel off.
The more I filtered stories to fit traditional fundraising narratives, the more disconnected I felt — from the communities we served and from my own sense of integrity. Trust, I realized, cannot be built when we are constantly translating humanity into something safer.
Equity-centered fundraising does not ask communities to perform their pain for approval. Instead, it invites donors into shared responsibility for change.
Trust Is Built in the Small Moments
Trust is not built during a major gift ask. It is built long before that — often in moments that never appear in a database.
Trust is built when:
- Donors are invited to listen, not just respond
- Program participants’ words are shared without being rewritten to sound “professional”
- Fundraisers say, “I don’t know yet, but I’ll find out”
- Donors are thanked for showing up — not just for giving
One of the most meaningful donor relationships I manage today did not begin with a solicitation. It began with an invitation to visit our space, meet staff, and hear directly from community members through conversation, not presentation.
There was no pledge card. No pressure.
That donor still gives. But more importantly, they advocate, ask thoughtful questions, and show up when policies shift or crises arise. Trust transformed a transaction into a partnership.
Belonging Changes the Fundraising Equation
Belonging asks a deeper question than engagement: Who feels this work is theirs?
In traditional fundraising models, donors are positioned as supporters standing outside the work. Belonging reframes donors as participants in a shared mission — alongside staff, volunteers, and community members.
This does not mean all voices carry equal weight. Equity requires acknowledging different forms of power and intentionally redistributing it.
In practice, fostering belonging with donors can look like:
- Inviting donors into learning spaces, not just celebratory ones
- Sharing challenges and failures alongside successes
- Naming values clearly and being prepared to lose support when values do not align
- Treating feedback as dialogue, not direction
One of the hardest lessons I have learned is that not every donor will stay when equity is centered. And that is okay. Fundraising rooted in belonging prioritizes alignment over appeasement.
What Equity-Centered Donor Relationships Require of Fundraisers
This approach asks fundraisers to unlearn some habits and build new ones.
It requires us to:
- Move from storytelling about communities to storytelling with communities.
This includes consent, compensation, and honoring complexity.
- Be transparent about power and decision-making.
Donors deserve clarity. Communities deserve protection.
- Slow down.
Relationship-based fundraising often takes longer but it is more sustainable.
- Embrace discomfort.
Conversations about equity and belonging are rarely neat. Discomfort is often where growth begins.
The Role of Institutions
Individual fundraisers cannot carry this work alone. Organizations must support equity-centered donor engagement through:
- Metrics that value relationship quality, not just revenue
- Leadership alignment around values and boundaries
- Investment in staff reflection, care, and development
- Policies that protect communities even when funding is at stake
When institutions say they value equity but reward only short-term gains, fundraisers are placed in an impossible position.
A Different Measure of Success
Today, I still care deeply about dollars raised. But I measure success differently.
Success looks like a donor who asks better questions over time.
Success looks like a community member who feels safe saying no.
Success looks like a fundraiser who no longer feels the need to translate humanity into something marketable.
Beyond transactions, fundraising becomes what it was always meant to be: a practice rooted in relationship, responsibility, and repair.
If we want a philanthropic sector that truly advances justice, we must examine not only what we fund, but how we build the relationships that sustain that funding.
Equity, trust, and belonging are not add-ons to donor engagement. They are the foundation.
The question is not whether we can afford to move beyond transactions.
It is whether we can afford not to.
Patricia Okolo is the Development Manager at Treetops Collective in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she leads grant writing and supports fundraising strategy, donor engagement, and development operations in partnership with organizational leadership to advance work with immigrant and refugee communities. With over 10 years of experience in the nonprofit sector, Patricia has worked across Nigeria, the United Kingdom, and the United States, bringing a global and equity-centered perspective to philanthropy. She holds a master’s degree in Philanthropy and Nonprofit Leadership and is a member of the AFP Michigan Chapter. Her work centers on building donor relationships rooted in trust, shared power, and belonging.
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